Snap's secret
by zomgtwilightttt
Summary: Snape has a secret and flich has noe idea! one sided luv, or is it? Nao wif Harry Potter!
1. 4bidn lub!

I AM BACK WITH AN NEW FICCY!!1

I WANT REVENGES SO PLZ WRITE SUM AND THNE ILL WRITE NEW CHAPTARZ!

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Severus Snape was in the dungon thinking about Filch he pretended he hated him but really he loved him. It was his big secret. He didn' want anybodey to know abut it, becuz he was working for the dark lard but not really, he was really with the good people excespt he pretendeed that he wasn't like a double agent. He was scarred because he thot if Vlodemart found out he was seceretly dreeming about Flich, then he thout he might be dead.

Voldemoort didn't like gay people.

So Snape when he was yunger had made up all these memrees where he would like make out with Harrys mom to thry to convince Voldmort tha he was always strait and it werked too.

Suddinly there was a kocnk on the door it was flich. Snape felt his hart rase but didn't want to appear frlstard so he went and got some wolfsban real quick and tossed it into a pot so Ficlh would think he was busy making postions. Cum in Flich he said in a husky voice.

Flich came in "hello severus have you seen mrs. Noooris he asked he hadnt seen his cat in about 2.6778 minutes and was growing worried. He thot mebbe Harry Potter was beeing a bad boy again becauz he once thru the cat into murtels toilet and she had got all wet and bothered. Filch had sort of been greatful sinec mrs. Norris was never in the mood but at the same time the toylet wasnt secksy so he was really mad at harry too.

No I never saw her today said Snap with a growl. He pertended to be stirring something in his pot. Really there was nothing in the pot. Excpet the wolfban but it was just sittin not doing anything in thar. He wihesd that Flinch would stop always askinga bout his cat. He new that his cat was important to Filch but come on what about him? It made snape feel very sad. He was alweasy rood to Flick because he never seemde to crae about how Snap felt.

O filch sed and he stude there straying at Sneap.

Well wat do u want then! Said snape and he throuw sum gillywead into the pot anirgily.

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Ok this is chap 1 so u gaiys tell me if u like the stroy so far okae!!!!11


	2. falming kauldro1n!

So were we left was snap n fichl in dunjein tlacking.

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Flitch standed their starring at snap confudesly not knowing y snap was so mad. All he wanted to know whas where mrs. Norris was. "aalll I wanted to know was where mrs. Norris was he den said.

Snap blew a temper. YEA I NO ALL U EVER DUE IS TALK ABOT THAT STUPED KAT! B4 flick cud respreond snape piked up the calldrin and trew it at filchs face. Suddelenly filch face begin to becum uncumfurtrabeull. He shout loudly.

Then peeves flyed into the room dragin mr. Norris by the tail this made fililich VERY ANGRY. He picked up a desk and tryed to hit peeves with it but snape remembred wat happnd last teim flich try to kill peeves iwth desk n yelld quick no filch remembr wat happend! (Yo peepz go chek mai fic Flichs adventure to c wat I meen I nebber got 2 mane rebeiws!)

Ficlkl put down desk with a sai. Yes I no snap but I hate peebes! he began 2 cry. His trears ware like needles in haystacks or dew tht glissen on teh toenale of a African gorilla en the early morning (see we do alot of poetry in class so im trying 2 learn smiles!) and snape noo he was in luv.

Snsap couldn't take it anymoar. He had too tell ficilh how he felt even if it meant Vooldedmort would be angry. Filch he began I – I – filch looked up wating to hear wat snap had to say but then suddenenely the cauldron caught on fire!!!!!

Every1 screemed!!

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OK PEEPZ THX 4 UR LUV AND ESP TO DISCOBERD N GOLDFISH I LUVD UR REBEWS! U KEEP ME GOIN!


	3. nekid time!

So in the last chapetr Snape yelld at Flich 4 alweys talking about Mrs noris and then sudeny the culkrdron cot frie!

Also stop makin fun of my spellin I know its not grat but i dt have ms word onle notpad n no sp chek.

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Peevs started at fire confuesdely sometimes he setted things on fire befoar but this time he didn't no wat to do becuz this was not his falut. Flich got scarred and throwed the desk onto the fire but it only made it bigger.

ONO SCREAMED SNAPE! I KNOO HOW FLAMEBALE WOLFBAN AND WORMWUD WERE BUT I HAD FORGOT!

HE SCREAMED LUDLY!

Flich passedd out frum smok peoisinoning quickly! Snap straed. Sudenly he got a bad idea and he was sure it was ilegal.

But noebody was going 2 find out cos Peebes had left!

He strate to take off Filchs cloths. First he removd tie and socks and shus. Finally pants and cape. Filch was in boxers when suedenly DUMBELDOE!

Dumbelldoor waluked in he had found snaps lost button (LIKE IN PPPP VIDEO SNAPES DIERY!) and said "hello severus I have found yore button but then he stoped in his trax when he saw that flich was on the floor almost naked!! Dumbledore liedked to get anked sometimes but he alwaeys was tlod not 2 do tht in pubic. He strad with eyes like Q-kumbers.

Hello gentleman, is it neked time?

Snape almos died.

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OK MOAR REVBIES PLZ!


	4. prunes

Thx 2 **disco bird** 4 edittng this stroy! I got sum realy bad rebyus form sum meen ppl but dt worry im stil witing!

O NO! Is snape ok!? Find out nao!

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Snape was so embarrassed. Here he was, trying to undress Filch, and now he was caught in the act! Suddenly he remembered that there was a fire. "DUMBLEDORE, PLEASE HELP!" he screamed, ignoring that Filch was still naked and unconscious. Dumbledore looked and he saw the fire so he quick put it out by waving his wand and water ejaculated from the end in a rush.

Now there was no fire, so Dumbledore remembered that Filch was naked and began to strip himself too.

_Ok, this is just awkward now,_ thought Snape. All he wanted to do was spend some quality time alone with Filch to show him how he felt and now Dumbledore was interrupting. But he couldn't tell him to go away because he was the Headmaster. And that meant he could do whatever he wanted. So what was Snape to do? He thought for one second and then he got it!

"Dumbledore, I think I saw some prunes outside," he said, throwing a bag of prunes that magically appeared out of nowhere out the window.

Dumbledore flew away after the prunes quickly. That left Snape and Filch who was now coming awake to themselves. Filch was like, _what happened_, but then he realised he was not wearing clothes. His eyes became like the breasts of Pamela Anderson – big and round and unnatural.

"SNAPE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled. The only one he undressed in front of was Mrs. Norris. He even kept the lights off when he did it with Madame Pomfrey. Here they were in a dungeon together in plain daylight and he was almost totally naked! He groped for his trousers.

He groped too far.

Filch in the darkness of the dungeon felt something not exactly denim under his fingers.

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O NOEZ WATS GONNA HAPPN!


	5. the impeirous cures

i deceinde to just write so i cud get chapies up fastre! so maybe disco burd can edit next chptr.

OK SO IN LAST CHAPPY FLICH ACCIDENTLY GRABED SOMEFINK… WAT IS IT! FIND OUT NAO

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Snepe let out a suprized yelp like a mouse who steped on a pitchfork. (MOAR SIMLE!) His surpise soon turned to hapines wen he relised that it was his belovd Filch who had graspde his jenitls with such firy passion, even if it was a misteke he was to enjoy it.

Flchich let go in an instant when he rellised his greave misteak. SEVERS WY! He haoled. He was tainted wif manly esence! This wud never be clean!

WHY NOT! Snapp yelled back.

Me and you, dunt u know that I alrddy luv mrs norris! Shes my cat but she noes who I ma better than ne1! Also u seem demandnig as a luvr! I dun wanna be ur uke! He start crying.

Ok now snap was REALLY ANGERY. He was sooo sick of hearin about mrs. Norris come on of all thins to get in the way of a romantic realationshep a CAT!

IF U THINK MRS NORRIS HAS BALLS LOOK TWICE FLICH! and snape yanked off his traosers and throu them at flich, revealing himself.

Flichs eyes got even bigger like plumela Anderson times ten! Nao they were like dolly partons bubs! He try not to look at Snape's package but he found he CANT IGNORE IT! IT WAS EVERYWARE! Now he was just confussed. He loved mrs. Norris he new that but snapes wand was bigger than any present he ever got at Christmastime and he wanted to touch it again.

His hand was ignroing his brane wich said to run as it inchd toard snape's u-no-wat. Snap slimed evilly. YESSSSS FLICH he hised and then sumthing snaped in flichs mind and he renched his hand away b4 he cud tuch Snape.

NO! I WANT TO BE ONLE WIF MRS. NORIS! He screemed.

Snape had had enouf, he reachde for his wand (the real 1) n shaoted, IMPEROI! smiling he lookd at Flich. He had no chance now!

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O NO! FLICH UNDER IMPERIUS CURSE! WAT WILL HAPPEN!1

allso rebiw!


	6. accio harry

FLICH WUZ UNDER IMPERIOUS CURSE! WAT NAO BICHES!

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But unfourtunately for snap his spell missed filch OMG! And lo and behold who did it hit but mrs. Norris, who had walekd threw the door half a secant ago in search of her owner slash lover. And under teh spell, mr Norris suddenly had a overwelmnig erge and she cud not surpres it. She paonced on snap n began to tear at his cloths and snap screamed like a girl as her claws troe into his felsh!

! SNAPE YELLED!

Felch preceded to get EVEN MOAR ANGRIER BECAUSE NOW HIS LOVE OF HIS LIFE WANTED TO BE WITH SNAP EVEN IF IT WAS JUST UNDER A CERSE! In his frusteration he stompted over to them and waced snpape in the head with a positions textbook!

Snap's vizion went blury for a secont and then he said FITINE INCANATMET! Then the spell stopped but mrs norrsi tho she was no longer under spell did not stop scraching Snape. SHE WAS MAD! AND WEN MRS NORRIS GOT MAD MRS NORRIS GOT HORNY! Flich hadnt turned her on like this in ages!

Ooo nooo what did I DO!!!" yellt Snaper in horror. He had turnet off his magic but his plan had still backfiered!

Flich jumped in, tryink to plow Mrs Norris off of Snape. MRS NORRIS YOU ARE MINE! He screeched but thje cat had dug her claws to snape and refusd to let go. She hissed and sprayed in flichs face.

ARRGGGHHHHHHF!!!!!! Fiflffich yelled so loud he burst a million dogs eardrums. BUT NOT MRS NORRIS SHE WAS A CKAT.

All seemed lostd! Snape thout his virgjinty was gong to be lost 2 the infrenla feline, but quick, he thout fast and screamd ACCIO HARRY POTTER!

In a flask the tall skinny darke haired boy flied into the window and crashed into snap, knocking mrs. Noreis off of Sanpe and landing on top of his greasey haired potsions master.

MUGLE FUCKING TROLL SHIT SNAPE! Screamed hrry as he became brused. Y DUD U DU THAT! Then he realised they both naked! Hary screamed moar! TOO MANY DONGS HE YELLED ND TRYD TO RUN BUT WAIT.

Snap wasn't done with Harry.

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O NO WAT NEXT!


	7. 4 men and a ckat

SNAPE + HARRY?!!?!!!!

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Snapa didnt really want to have secx this Harry but he was all fired up and now he just wanted to get it on he didn't care with who at this point anymore!!!~!!

He cast sum spell at Harry n Hry stoped and turned around tho he dint want 2. NO SNAPE but then snap cast the silencyo spell and harry coudnylt talk. He thout he was dun 4 as he drew closer 2 snape, whos eyes burned wif the excetment fond in the mouths of ravenos aligators.

Then all of a sudin like a godly beam of lite there came DUMBEDLORE!!!! He had finsished his bag of prunes and wanted to ask Snape for some morer but clapsed his hand over his beared moth when he realized SANAP WAS ABOUT TO HAVE SEXW ITH HARRY! O_O

Whats going on here? He asked in his old man voise but of cours Hry who was sly under the silensing spell cud not anser. Dumblydoor seemd to get it cos he sent harry on his way aftry handing him his sweater that had sumhow endded up halfway down flichs pants.

Nobody new how flich had got his pants on again, or y mrs Norris seemed sudenly serene.

Sevvveris I need to have a word with you" said dumblredore in a very serious toan. Having sex with everyone at hogwards without theirer permission is not acceptable!!! He yelled thjis very loudly hoping it would stick to the potions professors brain.

Snap lookd loike he wud have wantd to protest but b4 he cud get out teh words fumbledoor grabd him by his greesy hair and began sucking face wif him. So stick 2 1 person okay! He said and Harry lef the room feeling scraed and as tho he wud never quite get over wat he hads just seen. Flich left inexplickablee happy and mrs Norris left a bit whiter than she had cum in as.

Snope couldnt beleve it. The passionate fries that were burning in his heart for Flitch since he had first started teachaching at Hogtwarts had just been put out by what felt like ICE COLD WATER ANDPAIN. He braked away from Doubledoor and slinked back into the darkest corner of the dangin to cry. sniff sniff

Dumbledoar was feeling the prunes. He let snap go as he rushed off 2 the bathrum to empyt his boels.

THE END

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O IM so sad this fic is over it was soooooo fun 2 rite n I lub filch x mrs Norris, y duesnt ne1 rite it!?

I HOEP U ENJOYED THIS FIC NAO REBIEW ME PLZ THX

ALSO I LUB GOLD FISH AND DISCO BIRD SO MUCH


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